Things I've gotten away with #1
Inspired by Vixen's post asking about what crazy things you got away with when you were young, I was inspired to tell this story of adolescent behavior. This is going to be a long one, but a good one (if I had a dollar for every time I had to someone that...)
It's freshman year in high school, and me and my buddy Matt decide to sneak out and go see our girlfriends in the middle of the night. And in true high school style, we decide we should get our drink on first, so we each down a giant "littla" - you know, a little of this, a little of that, so hopefully the parents won't notice that the levels of every bottle in the liquor cabinet has gone down a little. Thank god my parents never really drank, or they might have noticed that every weekend every bottle got a little bit emptier.
So having a buzz going, we were ready to go, except for one minor detail: we didn't have a car (or even learner's permits) to drive, and the women were about 5 miles away. But we did have bicycles. Obviously, we were drunker than we thought, because it seemed like a perfectly good idea to get on our 10-speeds and pedal over to the girls house. On public streets. drunk. Looking back now, there are so many ways we could have gotten caught, or gotten ourselves hurt or killed. But you just don't think about these things when you're 15 and hopped up on scotch, bourbon, rum, sake, gin and cokes!
We get to the house, and I throw rocks at my girlfriend's window - which of course is on the top level of a three-level townhouse. And since we're trying not to wake up her parents, the only way to get into her bedroom is to climb a tree up to the third floor and then into her bedroom. I was never that good at climbing trees, especially while drunk, so let's just say this was not easy or fun, and the branch at the top we had to climb on to actually get through the window didn't feel very sturdy...
But we both finally make it into the room without falling to our deaths or waking anyone up, and after some idle chit-chat we both start making out with our girlfriends. Now I don't know if it was just the awkwardness of having two couples in the same room, or if it really was, as the ladies told us, "that time of the month" for both of them, but it quickly became apparent that there wasn't going to be anything more than some kissing and groping, and my girlfriend knew her dad would be getting up soon (it was 3:00 or 4:00 in the morning by then), so everyone agreed that maybe we should go. My buddy loses the coin toss and gets to go out the window first.
Everything is going fine for the first few feet, but then he loses his grip and proceeds to fall two and a half floors, and lands on the gas grill and some potted plants. While these did break Matt's fall, he also broke a few of the pots, knocked over the grill, and made a hell of a lot of noise. Lights start coming on all over the house, and my girlfriend throws me out of her room and pushes me down the stairs to her older brother's room, who lives on the ground floor. He must have been used to this drill, because he meets me in the hallway, throws me into his closet, and gives me the single finger to the lip, accompanied by one of the angriest stares I've ever seen - the universal sign for "Shut the fuck up and don't make a sound or I will kill you!"
So now the parents are awake, walking around trying to figure out what the noise was. My girlfriend, always the quick thinker, said that it was thunder. I don't even know if it had been raining that night, but I'm praying her parents believe the cover story. Her dad comes downstairs and knocks on her brother's door:
Dad: "Did you hear anything?"
Brother: "It was raining pretty hard a while ago"
Dad: "Raining, huh?"
Brother: "Yup - raining"
I'm not sure whether her dad really believes the rain and thunder explantion, but he goes back upstairs. I'm relieved that I didn't get busted, but I'm getting scared of what her brother is going to do to me. Another five minutes go by and I'm really starting to freak out in the dark closet. Then the closet door opens, and her brother is in my face: "My dad's in the shower so you've got 5 minutes to get the hell out of here. And if I ever see you around here again, it's your ass!"
My momma didn't raise no dummy, so I'm out of there. I get out of the back yard, and there's Matt at the end of the street laughing his ass off. I wasn't in such a good mood, so with our buzzes wearing off and the realization that we were both going to have to get up in a few hours and go to school sinking in, we pedal our way home, again miraculously avoiding local law enforcement. It's amazing how empty roads are at 4:00 in the morning during the week.
So that's the first story of something crazy I got away with when I was young. There will be more to follow...
It's freshman year in high school, and me and my buddy Matt decide to sneak out and go see our girlfriends in the middle of the night. And in true high school style, we decide we should get our drink on first, so we each down a giant "littla" - you know, a little of this, a little of that, so hopefully the parents won't notice that the levels of every bottle in the liquor cabinet has gone down a little. Thank god my parents never really drank, or they might have noticed that every weekend every bottle got a little bit emptier.
So having a buzz going, we were ready to go, except for one minor detail: we didn't have a car (or even learner's permits) to drive, and the women were about 5 miles away. But we did have bicycles. Obviously, we were drunker than we thought, because it seemed like a perfectly good idea to get on our 10-speeds and pedal over to the girls house. On public streets. drunk. Looking back now, there are so many ways we could have gotten caught, or gotten ourselves hurt or killed. But you just don't think about these things when you're 15 and hopped up on scotch, bourbon, rum, sake, gin and cokes!
We get to the house, and I throw rocks at my girlfriend's window - which of course is on the top level of a three-level townhouse. And since we're trying not to wake up her parents, the only way to get into her bedroom is to climb a tree up to the third floor and then into her bedroom. I was never that good at climbing trees, especially while drunk, so let's just say this was not easy or fun, and the branch at the top we had to climb on to actually get through the window didn't feel very sturdy...
But we both finally make it into the room without falling to our deaths or waking anyone up, and after some idle chit-chat we both start making out with our girlfriends. Now I don't know if it was just the awkwardness of having two couples in the same room, or if it really was, as the ladies told us, "that time of the month" for both of them, but it quickly became apparent that there wasn't going to be anything more than some kissing and groping, and my girlfriend knew her dad would be getting up soon (it was 3:00 or 4:00 in the morning by then), so everyone agreed that maybe we should go. My buddy loses the coin toss and gets to go out the window first.
Everything is going fine for the first few feet, but then he loses his grip and proceeds to fall two and a half floors, and lands on the gas grill and some potted plants. While these did break Matt's fall, he also broke a few of the pots, knocked over the grill, and made a hell of a lot of noise. Lights start coming on all over the house, and my girlfriend throws me out of her room and pushes me down the stairs to her older brother's room, who lives on the ground floor. He must have been used to this drill, because he meets me in the hallway, throws me into his closet, and gives me the single finger to the lip, accompanied by one of the angriest stares I've ever seen - the universal sign for "Shut the fuck up and don't make a sound or I will kill you!"
So now the parents are awake, walking around trying to figure out what the noise was. My girlfriend, always the quick thinker, said that it was thunder. I don't even know if it had been raining that night, but I'm praying her parents believe the cover story. Her dad comes downstairs and knocks on her brother's door:
Dad: "Did you hear anything?"
Brother: "It was raining pretty hard a while ago"
Dad: "Raining, huh?"
Brother: "Yup - raining"
I'm not sure whether her dad really believes the rain and thunder explantion, but he goes back upstairs. I'm relieved that I didn't get busted, but I'm getting scared of what her brother is going to do to me. Another five minutes go by and I'm really starting to freak out in the dark closet. Then the closet door opens, and her brother is in my face: "My dad's in the shower so you've got 5 minutes to get the hell out of here. And if I ever see you around here again, it's your ass!"
My momma didn't raise no dummy, so I'm out of there. I get out of the back yard, and there's Matt at the end of the street laughing his ass off. I wasn't in such a good mood, so with our buzzes wearing off and the realization that we were both going to have to get up in a few hours and go to school sinking in, we pedal our way home, again miraculously avoiding local law enforcement. It's amazing how empty roads are at 4:00 in the morning during the week.
So that's the first story of something crazy I got away with when I was young. There will be more to follow...
posted by Nebbitt at
11:20 AM
6 Comments:
Damn, you were a nightmare. LOL. You're poor parents. I was such a goodie goodie at that age, actuallt at pretty much every age. I never did crazy stuff like that. You are too funny.
i NEVER got away with anything...but i didn't have any older siblings to learn from...or any younger ones to blame it on...oh well..
LMAO! You dork! Haha! You are so lucky the older brother didn't kick your ass! I can't wait to hear more!
That's a funny one! And I am sure the dad knew that there was no "raining" going on except maybe raining teenage boys down the side of his house! LOL :)
kate - You have no idea. Some of the stories I can't share until I check the statute of limitations...
wendi - I'm an only child too. It did make it harder to get away with things...but not impossible!
lilith - More will be on the way!
vixen - You're probably right - I get the feeling I wasn't the first guy to sneak into his daughter's room and I'm sure I wasn't the last.
Remember all of the times I snuck out to see Melissa and walked, rode a bike, or used Eric's car? Remember me getting caught by her mom when I was finally "scoring"?
Which girlfriend was this? Which Matt?
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