It's the most wonderful time of the year...

I got my annual performance appraisal last week. No big surprises, except that I put in a lot of extra effort over the past year just to see if I could actually get 5 out of 5 in every category. I get my appraisal and see that I got 5's across the board except for one 4. I say "What's with this one 4?" The answer: "Well, you did perform at a "5" level, but there's no way they'll approve a perfect score. So I picked a category to give you a 4 in." Ain't life a bitch?

So in honor of this travesty of justice, I wanted to share some funny appraisal comments. Supposedly they're actual British Navy appraisals, but even if they're not real, they're really funny!

• His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity.

• This Officer is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely-won't-be.

• When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there.

• He has carried out each and every one of his duties to his entire satisfaction.

• Technically sound, but socially impossible.

• This Officer reminds me very much of a gyroscope - always spinning around at a frantic pace, but not really going anywhere.

• This young lady has delusions of adequacy.

• This Medical Officer has used my ship to carry his genitals from port to port, and my officers to carry him from bar to bar.

• Since my last report he has reached rock bottom, and has started to dig.

• She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.

• He has the wisdom of youth, and the energy of old age.

• This Officer should go far - and the sooner he starts, the better.

• This man is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

• The only ship I would recommend this man for is citizenship.

• Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a caged rat.

• Only occasionally wets himself under pressure.